When I talk to new Mums and Mums-to-be, one topic of conversation always comes up – why do people seem to lose their manners and diplomacy when confronted with a pregnant lady? From a bit odd to downright offensive, here is a list of some of the more common things you just shouldn’t say to an expectant Mum!
1. Are you sure theres only one in there?
Just a more polite way of saying “Blimy, you’re huge!” Still rude. Even if there isn’t just the one, its really none of your business.
2. Another one? Don’t you have a tv?!
Being a Mummy of 5, I’ve heard this one alot. The funny thing is, people seem to think they’re being funny and original. They’re not. Think about what you’re saying. You’re basically asking about her sex life. Just don’t.
3. Haven’t you had that baby yet?
If she had, the chances are she would have it with her. And wouldn’t be looking quite as fat. Shes probably feeling fed up already. She doesn’t need you asking stupid questions for the sake of making conversation. Expect a sarcastic answer, and if you don’t get one then think yourself lucky she is polite enough to bite her tongue, because you can guarantee she was thinking it!
4. Any comment about being disappointed with the sex of the baby
There is no such thing as the perfect family. The idea that if you have all one sex you will somehow feel like you’ve failed in life and be bitterly lamenting your husband’s cursed sperm’s knack of producing only one set of chromasomes is, at best, outdated. You don’t know what she has been through to get this baby. Don’t insult her by suggesting she would want it to be anything other than healthy.
5. You’re pregnant, not ill!
Yes, pregnancy is a perfectly natural condition. But with it can come a vast array of ailments. From plain old morning sickness to hyperemesis gravidarum, piles, sciatica, heartburn and, in my case, kidney stones, there are many things caused (or made worse) by pregnancy that can leave you feeling like something has chewed you up and spat you out. Just because she is pregnant it doesn’t mean she feels these things any less. In fact, the very fact she is making a tiny human exasperates matters! In short, don’t be a dick.
6. Are you having any more?
Jeez, give the poor woman a break! She hasn’t even had this one yet!
7. You can’t call them that!
Actually, in most cases, they can. And its none of your business. Its not your kid to name. Butt out.
8. Was it planned?
Does it matter?
9. Whos the father?
The Milkman. The bloke from the corner shop. Your Dad. God. Expect one of these answers, none of which are true. Its none of your bloody business. Unless its your husband/partner/boyfriend. Then I suppose it would be. But lets face it, its unlikely. So yeah, don’t be nosy.
And, probably the most important one
10. I had a really horrific birth…
She doesn’t need to know. Just because you did, doesn’t mean she will. There is absolutely no need to try and scare her with your horror stories. If you have birth trauma, that really sucks. You should speak to a professional, even think about rebirthing. Just don’t unload onto anyone who is about to go through it themselves.
So, there you have it. I’m sure there are many others that I’ve missed! If you can think of any then drop me a comment 🙂